THANKful

insomnia -- after reading the description of it, i kind of believe i have some of the symptoms. yes, i have been depressed, stressed, have only been getting at least 3-5 hours of sleep every night, & i nap here & there during the day. several reasons of its causes have been thinking about my past & future. my past of having that certain someone still in mind & my future having to anxiously wait whether my plans will fall through. as of right now, i believe i can be optimistic & just keep going with the flow.

him -- it's so hard nowadays to get over someone that you really liked & would always have fun whenever we'd hang out. knowing the fact that i'd see him every other day or now & then, still hurts knowing the fact that he could've been my future. as for me, it takes me a couple of months to recover back to where i should be feeling happy with a single life. it's difficult to pull through after my past had been twice as hard with experiences that put me as the "pickiest girl to pick that certain boy" today. i believe every guy i had fallen for happened to be lucky because i've been waiting for that certain someone to come my way to make me smile just as much as family does. AND i don't fall that easy for certain guys these days, it takes me quite awhile to take a good look at who you are & why i really DO like you. knowing that it all drops back down in the end, i'd have to pull myself back up knowing that i've gone through worse. not much know why & how bad my past was but i've come to grow & learn from it. as a cousin of mine recently told me, "i think the next person you'll be with will be the one you'll marry." let's not get to the "marrying" part but as she went into detail, it has been almost 5 years being single & knowing the fact that i CAN wait for that special someone, she believes my patience will pay off to a good guy. i believe as i've been hurt one too many times, i would make the same emotion with joys of tears until he asks that breath taking question, "will you be my girlfriend?" or in some hopeless romantic way. i also believe every guy i've fallen for IS a good guy, it just always had been the wrong timing, another girl, or it just wasn't working out too well. sometimes i'd think to myself, "i'm just not enough" or "not quite the girl he was looking for" after going through several days "talking" then building back up to that friendship we had before then. i promise my life, it has been difficult especially having several aunties & uncles telling me "i want michelle to have a boyfriend" because out of all my cousins, i haven't been through the process of actually introducing him to my family. i'd be looking forward to actually having the guts to tell my parents & i promise, i will. it's life though, reading through my book of quotes, one says, "I've learned that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your true prince." somethin like that defines you have to experience before actually finding the right guy. life goes on when you can't seem to find him. some say "let him look for you." i believe in several things, i just need to keep learning & accepting what has happened made me a stronger person today. & i'm thankful i can forgive them to be my friend again.

god, family, school, & work -- my priorities. life is just as busy as building a better future & change. i am satisfied with who i have in my life & what i plan for in the future.

i am THANKFUL for..
_ god, the reason why i live day by day knowing that he can be my only best friend when i need some saving to do.
_ family, i am greatful to have a VERY BIG family from both sides with cousins my age that i can talk to about anything & everything, who will always have my back. along with my sisters who push me through my future plans. & my parents who make me the spoiled child. trust me, it's not easy being the youngest when you're ALWAYS on lockdown & i always tend to fall through.
_ friends, several clicks, best friends, close friends, & coming out of "he was one of the lucky guys i liked" i am happy to have in my life. some don't know it but the ones that put me through a lot & seen me go through a lot made the greatest impact in my life.
_ my job, as a sales associate & having old navy as my first job, i am very thankful that this gave me the experience to learn how to become "assertive & aggressive" towards customers. i learn something new everyday & find something weird everyday. i also love who i work with!
_ in general, LIFE.. no matter where i stand, i am thankful for everything that comes my way. as i learn wisely & cherish every moment that happens, i believe life is TOO SHORT to keep my head down. i'd rather keep laughing than sobbing through my past experiences. my past was meant for my future as i am the person today; better & changed.

so much for "venting" on a black friday, i am off to baby sitting the baby aspuria girls.

happy thanksgiving & black friday weekend <3

when life's a rOller cOaster; the only thing you can do is HOLD ON.

tuesdays & thursdays happen to be my longest days of school. but this past thursday i happen to skip anatomy class to hang out in LA. jhoelle told me to do it since they call me "miss perfect attendance." after going to my nutrition class & my most dreadful class which was statistics. i needed to get out of there especially finding out how bad i've been struggling with math.. =( the drive to northridge was a quick 30-40 minute drive which i would think i'd hit rush hour mad traffic but i didn't. met up with scott & we met up with jen, jeff, gem, elysse, darin & ray at pink's & pixels. fun, fun. but while i was there, i received a text from my sister saying that our dog, maddie got run over. =( the preggie wifey of scooper. sad to say we've only had her for a month or so & she's gone already.

overall that day was full of fun & thoughts.

in all honesty, i have no idea what my feelings are now that i've been through several heart breaks. beings friends is just as good as having someone right beside you who is always there for you. as i was told before, it's unhealthy to stop your feelings when you should just let it go with the flow. & my feelings happen to STILL be there, but i've been trying to stop it as i "slickfully" try not to pay attention. it's hard going from real good friends to "talking" then trying to get back to how it was before as JUST FRIENDS. i'm good at forgiving, but it's difficult to forget the good stuff in the past. yea, i miss things here & there but you can't help but think. i still get the questions from others though: "so what's up with you two now?" "are you still talking to.." "why did you guys stop talking?" like i have no idea what questions HE gets. overall i keep reminding myself to just let it go.. it's hard but you don't want someone who's just "NOT THAT INTO YOU.." <-- not from the book of "he's just not that into you" but it's self-explanatory & true. play it cool & know that we're both thankful we're still friends. as he always says, "it's a thank you for being my friend." haha..

rest in peace babygirl doggie, maddie <3

from xanga to blogger?!

last time i "blogged" on xanga was march 2, '08.
www.xanga.com/mloyola

as time has changed, i believe friends come & go. that last blog happened to be about a "best friend" who is now an acquaintance of some sort. sad to say it & i hate losing close friends. although, i am happy to say that i've come to realize what the good & bad circumstances would have been if i continued to feel that way. nonetheless, i've moved on.

up to DATE!

_2nd year full-time college student
_transferring next year: CSULA, CSUF, CSUEB, or CSUSM
_1 year & 2 months still ON's sales associate
_hoping to get in the Clinical Care Extender Internship Program

life is difficult when..
_i'm the youngest sibling & am counted on to do 10x better than my others
_i've been dreaming to get into at least a cal state & my mom says words i'd hate to hear
_my parents expect me to do good yet when i tell them about something good, they get mad about it (i.e. i got into CSULA, then i get questions when i've already used their card to pay for my apps)
_you don't really get what the opposite sex REALLY wants

my lesson learned..
_never fall for your homeboys, otherwise the word "awkward" will build up
_second chances will always lead to a downfall (for me at least)
_never let someone ruin what you've always wanted
_when someone makes you happy, don't let them take advantage of your feelings
_chin up cause just be glad it happened with a good person

current mood: anxious

about..
_this internship
_transferring
_my classes
_my major
_& my feelings..

the last thing i'd ever do on here is VENT.

oOh happy days.