THANKful

insomnia -- after reading the description of it, i kind of believe i have some of the symptoms. yes, i have been depressed, stressed, have only been getting at least 3-5 hours of sleep every night, & i nap here & there during the day. several reasons of its causes have been thinking about my past & future. my past of having that certain someone still in mind & my future having to anxiously wait whether my plans will fall through. as of right now, i believe i can be optimistic & just keep going with the flow.

him -- it's so hard nowadays to get over someone that you really liked & would always have fun whenever we'd hang out. knowing the fact that i'd see him every other day or now & then, still hurts knowing the fact that he could've been my future. as for me, it takes me a couple of months to recover back to where i should be feeling happy with a single life. it's difficult to pull through after my past had been twice as hard with experiences that put me as the "pickiest girl to pick that certain boy" today. i believe every guy i had fallen for happened to be lucky because i've been waiting for that certain someone to come my way to make me smile just as much as family does. AND i don't fall that easy for certain guys these days, it takes me quite awhile to take a good look at who you are & why i really DO like you. knowing that it all drops back down in the end, i'd have to pull myself back up knowing that i've gone through worse. not much know why & how bad my past was but i've come to grow & learn from it. as a cousin of mine recently told me, "i think the next person you'll be with will be the one you'll marry." let's not get to the "marrying" part but as she went into detail, it has been almost 5 years being single & knowing the fact that i CAN wait for that special someone, she believes my patience will pay off to a good guy. i believe as i've been hurt one too many times, i would make the same emotion with joys of tears until he asks that breath taking question, "will you be my girlfriend?" or in some hopeless romantic way. i also believe every guy i've fallen for IS a good guy, it just always had been the wrong timing, another girl, or it just wasn't working out too well. sometimes i'd think to myself, "i'm just not enough" or "not quite the girl he was looking for" after going through several days "talking" then building back up to that friendship we had before then. i promise my life, it has been difficult especially having several aunties & uncles telling me "i want michelle to have a boyfriend" because out of all my cousins, i haven't been through the process of actually introducing him to my family. i'd be looking forward to actually having the guts to tell my parents & i promise, i will. it's life though, reading through my book of quotes, one says, "I've learned that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your true prince." somethin like that defines you have to experience before actually finding the right guy. life goes on when you can't seem to find him. some say "let him look for you." i believe in several things, i just need to keep learning & accepting what has happened made me a stronger person today. & i'm thankful i can forgive them to be my friend again.

god, family, school, & work -- my priorities. life is just as busy as building a better future & change. i am satisfied with who i have in my life & what i plan for in the future.

i am THANKFUL for..
_ god, the reason why i live day by day knowing that he can be my only best friend when i need some saving to do.
_ family, i am greatful to have a VERY BIG family from both sides with cousins my age that i can talk to about anything & everything, who will always have my back. along with my sisters who push me through my future plans. & my parents who make me the spoiled child. trust me, it's not easy being the youngest when you're ALWAYS on lockdown & i always tend to fall through.
_ friends, several clicks, best friends, close friends, & coming out of "he was one of the lucky guys i liked" i am happy to have in my life. some don't know it but the ones that put me through a lot & seen me go through a lot made the greatest impact in my life.
_ my job, as a sales associate & having old navy as my first job, i am very thankful that this gave me the experience to learn how to become "assertive & aggressive" towards customers. i learn something new everyday & find something weird everyday. i also love who i work with!
_ in general, LIFE.. no matter where i stand, i am thankful for everything that comes my way. as i learn wisely & cherish every moment that happens, i believe life is TOO SHORT to keep my head down. i'd rather keep laughing than sobbing through my past experiences. my past was meant for my future as i am the person today; better & changed.

so much for "venting" on a black friday, i am off to baby sitting the baby aspuria girls.

happy thanksgiving & black friday weekend <3