it is what it is.

"knowing that.." "knowing the fact that.." <-- tOo much from last blog. ha!

him -- specifically, i never really know what to say until AFTER the situation is over. yet what is said, is said. all i expected was the worse & i meant for myself to get on with it & not talk but we did. i never felt so relieved having to know the truth. in my own opinion, i'd rather hear the truth than try moving on having to figure things out if i was even in the picture. & of course, the truth will always hurt but it gave me a point. as i've been told like it was a slap in my face, "maybe because you go for the wrong guys" or "you just need to quit being a PUSHOVER" & "stop being too nice!" the good that i've been told was, "out of all people i want you to be happy the most." all i can say is the "chisme" needs to stop. drama is the LAST thing in my life & it always comes rushing towards me. i'll always listen but will never make it. & yes, i was also trying to LOOK OUT cause i wouldn't wanna hear him get hurt as well. but one things a fact, as long as HE'S happy, I'M happy. i was even told, "at least he has guts to tell you the truth." <-- tell me why i liked him?! because he has balls. i'm glad he considered my feelings in the first place. i'd rather NOT lose him as a friend than to move on without him being there. he IS too much of a good friend to lose! thanks to my freakin cousins, you guys had to put it in my face & make me cry (thats a good thing). as i was telling my ate a jist of it, she already knew my situation & blurted out the rest of it. coming from a baby mama & her past experiences, she knew what was up. her advice was just straight forward. i just needed one GOOD last cry & she gave it to me. & so on, i drift myself.

school --
FINALS :
_tuesday, Dec9 : Anatomy LAB
_wednesday, Dec10 : Spanish
_thursday, Dec11 : Nutrition & Anatomy LEC
_tuesday, Dec16 : Statistics

Overall, i expect at least a 3.5-3.8 & going as another full-time next semester with 16 units ahead.

work -- hOliday hours open till 11pm & i'm out by 12am!

family -- my coworkers had pointed out something to me. as i was playing around with them & laughing my ass off, my manager asked me "are you like that when you're home?" & i never noticed it until she pointed it out but YES, i am different when i am at home with my family. she goes, "like you let loose when you're here at work or out of home but when you're home you're completely different, right?" & she said she has a cousin like that too. my overall response is coming from 3 sisters, as the youngest i am always on check. still with curfew, still gotta tell my mom where i'm going, still gotta ask, & basically anything you can think of that isn't related to being a 18&up adult. no one in my family "ruined" it for me but i accept how it still is even though i sometimes get mad how i can't stay out late. i even point out to my mom about trust issues, it still doesn't come. the word, "lockdown" is too much for me thats why i was told once "i heard when you can't go out a lot, you're wild when you CAN take advantage while being out." it's true! i barely get to do things, yet they call me the "spoiled" one. i was told that my parents are more "lenient" on me though. when i'm at home, i basically come in, kiss my parents, & go straight to my room. why is because i can't really let loose, be myself & open up to them. it sucks sometimes but there's more to it & i still have respect for them no matter what. family will always be priority number one for suuure.

study, read, study, write, study, study, study.

glad this semester is coming to an END.